what has been perceived or comprehended

Sunday, February 03, 2008

lately, i have grown convinced that my life is most exciting as of late.
& i don't want to forget this time.
& i want to share it, but in an impersonal way.
so here's the stalker sheet.

8:20 wake up
9:10 wake fred up
9:30 buy alpine bagels
10:00 start working on the groundhog w/ fred
12:00 eric enters
12:30 fred leaves
12:45 i leave
1:00 brownstone: make a valentine card, make a fool of myself
1:40 back to wa, try to convince margie to come with me to reynolds price, fail
2:00 head over to reynolds price by myself, go to wrong theater, then write theater, then into the seat
2:40 see fred in kilgo, head over to craven e to help with studs. they are done, but i stay and talk to louisa/rita/kcho/beka a little longer about some relationship stuffs.
3:20 go to greg's room, hide the groundhog, let yujing into the secret
3:40 go back to kilgo o; work on bio as they (fred, greg...later kcho, kristen) work on proxe boards
6:30 dinner w/ yp & daniel
7:45 head back to room, think about not rushing brownstone anymore, call kt howe, talk to jack, andy, jeff, decide to rush brownstone again, but very hesitantly
9:00 brownstone: watch what women want
9:15 drinks (virgin shirley temple) in shreya/sneha's room
10:30 head over to wheelz, skate
11:30 head back
12:00 bum around, talk to margie, a little bio, shower
1:45 bed

Thursday, December 21, 2006

i can't help but think that writing about life in some ways substantiates it. it's almost an accountability or an assurance that some sort of tangible product is being molded out of the petty thoughts, conversations, and games. i'm not sure how accurate my accounts are, but, as i have learned, sometimes lies are more reliable than the truth.

i have piles upon piles of old diaries that i am tempted to throw out everytime i clean my room. but i always stash them in a new place. occasionally, i'll read a single entry and shudder at my naivete. i think that's a bad sign. still, they exist and something causes pause to my forsaking them. it is strange. in some instances, i dont recognize myself. the situation. the change that has occurred baffles me.

5 june 2003 11.28 am in bio
life is...hm...well i've come to the conclusion that it is meaningless without God. it just...well take today for instance. yesterday, i was in a mad scramble to study for my bio quizzes and my german final and now i'm sitting in bio & thinking "well, it's all over now and what was that for?" i've been reading 1 john lately and it talk sabout loving the world -- well, rather, not loving the world. and it's just so true. we're always in a mad rush-- like that slow dance poem shannon was talking about. 1/2 the fun is getting there. But i just feel like-- my tests are over & i just don't care anymore. about what else is to come, you know? i am just sitting here writing, not studying. i have my Bible in my bag. perhaps i coudl read that. just found out i got a 16/20 on the quiz. and yet...my grade's a 97% it's not going to effect my grade that uch. see-- it's so futile. yet i'm still concerned about this final. ack...it's this asian upbringing that has been instilled inside me. ahh w/e whocares.

interesting. as one who observed freshman at work at sciobio yesterday, i remember coming back thinking...wow. i can't even articulate what i was thinking. high school is SUCH a BAD preparation for college/the world. it really didn't matter. even grades, past a certain point, are...stupid. i guess i went into high school with my priorities straighter than i realized and then somewhere along the way they got scrambled. it makes me sad to see how much i talk about the actual schoolwork i was doing and how i didn't become friends with people until junior year. except for this one, which didnt turn out that great either...

2 jan 2004 -

...anyway, i wanted to talk to him because this would be our two year anniversary of whatever. we aren't exactly best friends anymore. but interestingly enough, he wrote me a poem which he hasn't done for a long time, because it just didn't seem 'natural' or whatever to him. here's poetry:

"seven hundred thirty days ago
how was i supposed to know
what would come of this all?
what things would rise and fall?
even through tears aplenty,
hindsight is twenty twenty.

and the pain invaded
the pleasure evaded
pleasure unfelt--
pleasure undealt
what is there to feel
but the cold of a steel
heart
torn apart
by sick, rotten warmness.

how's THAT for poetry? it is the culmination of feelings past. feelings future?
dunno. foresight is as blind as a bat?
rhyming is contagious. ain't it outrageous?
good nite and farewell. i will find you tomorrow.
timo, your friend
Grace, you are my friend."

then as 2004 continues, it turns out into a straight out documentation. literally a list of what i do every day without any commentary/thoughts. probably on account of xanga. hmm...how perplexing. i have more to think about this but wayne is on his way over.

currently reading: ender's game

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

twelve point five percent of the best years of your life

she crafted her words gently, so her judgment snuck out through the wriggle of her finger. except it wasnt so much an innocent lopping as it was a steady jab. your nose definitely looks like it has been disturbed, she said, thrusting her finger into an imaginary nostril. that is probably what is causing the bloody noses. maybe the cold weather is irritating it. it just isnt getting enough time to heal. so pay sixty four dollars. (or stop picking your nose.)

what.

listening: megan talking to her love interest on AIM. with sound.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

losing my voice

i have been feeling at a loss for words for a while now. it's very frustrating having thoughts flutter in your mind, out of reach. it's like grasping at air, inheriting the wind.

in any case, i'm sore from coughing.

listening: third day - who i am

Thursday, November 16, 2006

so maybe an art history major after all.

listening: angels we have heard on high

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

new roman times

i wish i had a talent.
that is all.

listening: coco lee - crazy ridiculous

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

rinse and repeat

it has been said that if you want something badly enough, you'll eventually get it.
the problem only arises when you get it and you realize either
a. you didnt really want it
b. it didnt want you back
c. you didnt want it if it didnt want you back

all in all, this reminds me a lot of va's i-search. so i miss my home friends, once again i failed a orgo test [i improved from last time?], and i waste waayyy too much time. balancing work and play is a tricky thing i dont expect to master anytime soon.

in a very counterintuitive type of way, i waste quite a bit of time on aces registering for next semester's classes. so potential schedule...mmm....

orgo 2, social psych, beginning golf, intro arthist, intro bioanthro

in other words, no more papers. such as this 7 page monster that is due at 11:40 tomorrow. did i mention i haven't started yet?