what has been perceived or comprehended

i am no expert on love. though i was involved in what many deem a stupid relationship this summer, i feel like such is my nature that i must make some of my own mistakes. yes, it was an unhealthy bout of sin and pride. yes, he was totally wrong for me. yes, i stupidly and selfishly threw my self-control to the side.

regardless of aforementioned, i believe there is truth to the fact that God can use the bad to teach the good. and i have learned a lot. despite all the cliches, or maybe through the cliches, i was/am able to see truth. a short sampling of lessons learned:
1. physical & emotional intimacy are easily confused.
2. foer [in his novel that i am now reading] has got a point: assurance that love [hesitation on the word, but you know what i mean] is there can be more powerful/comforting that the love itself.
3. dating a non-christian and sin really does tear one away from God a lot more than i realized before.
4. i am a sucker to dogged persistence. i really cant withstand. interestingly, this may also be the reason why i am bestish friends with wayne.
5. i cannot trust my own heart. [jer 17:9]
6. the classic what i like/dont like in a guy.

by saying this all, it might seem that it was all stupid and the boy was a mistake, but in truth, whereas i am not sure i would repeat this behavior if i were to have the opportunity, i do not regret it. i did care for this boy. i did cry when we parted for what we decided would be the last time this summer. i did hope that he would reassure me that he would never forget me. anything less would have made me a manipulative slut. so, does that make my affections worth less now that they have also been spent on this thing was wrong from the beginning? i can hardly answer that question in an objective way. tape will never be as sticky; forgiveness is a gift and power i will have to request personally.

reading: extremely loud & incredibly close
listening: lfo - girl on tv
photo: dans grad party, june 2006. i honestly though dg and sip were going to start making out next to me in this picture. what you see is thus pure disgust. 

posted by gph @ 11:33 PM